Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.
Fair play to European Council President António Costa for picking the Cypriot party hotspot Ayia Napa to host the EU’s “we finally got rid of Viktor Orbán” celebration, or “informal European summit” as he insisted on calling it.
EU leaders were in the resort town on Thursday evening for dinner, although Ayia Napa does have something of a reputation for debauchery, as you’ll see here…
“We played a game where you had to stay awake for 24 hours and one day the lads put a shot of tequila on every single bin on the beach for 500 metres — so 10 bins, 10 shots of tequila. You had to sprint to the first bin, gulp down the shot, sprint back. Then sprint to the second bin, down the shot, sprint back, and so on. Run, drink, run, repeat. Once, I tried to hurdle a sun-lounger, hit the top of it and went sprawling face down in the sand.”
That quote is either an extract from the Council document register or former Premier League footballer Keiron Dyer’s account of his time in the resort town.
Hopefully the leaders enjoy their time in Cyprus, but what a shame that Orbán — who is still Hungary’s prime minister — didn’t show up to ruin the whole thing (again!). He would have had the perfect opportunity to play spoiler; sitting at the dining table, heckling, getting wasted on zivania and throwing chicken bones at French President Emmanuel Macron. Disappointing behavior from a normally reliable disruptor.
Would the EU have gone to Ayia Napa under Costa’s predecessor in the job, Charles Michel?
The former Belgian prime minister thrust himself back into the limelight this week. First, he gave an interview to the Brussels Times in which he brought up his old adversary, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen, whose style he called “authoritarian.”
Interestingly, he was photographed for the article in his office, surrounded by six chairs and two sofas — which begs the question: How many people are visiting Charles Michel? Or is he now working as a doctor’s receptionist?
It was also a bold choice for a man who was once embroiled in a scandal dubbed “sofagate,” which had relegated poor von der Leyen to a sofa on a trip to Turkey, while Michel and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan got the chairs (One day, there will be a scandal involving a gate that will be dubbed “gategate” and all journalists will retire).
Michel then struck again after von der Leyen lumped Turkey in with Russia and China (in a comment that the Commission tried to row back on), taking the opportunity to point out all the good things about Turkey, such as it being “a key migration partner,” “a serious regional power” and ‘home to those delicious pizzas shaped like canoes” (probably).
Considering the interests and oddities of the current inhabitant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, we can’t completely rule out cage fight between Michel and von der Leyen in Parc du Cinquantenaire (sponsored by Exki).
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Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best one from our mailbag — there’s no prize except the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far preferable to cash or booze.
“It was your shoes, Mark — you were wearing the wrong shoes.”
by Ruth Oppenheimer
English (US) ·